the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
