Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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