Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
