Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
