Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
