Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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