Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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