dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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