This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
