i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
