...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
