you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
