Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
We just shotgunned beers for America
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
