: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize