I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
