Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Operation Purity has been aborted
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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