you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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