When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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