dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
