there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
