True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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