margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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