i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Sober January is a disaster.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He? As in you personified your dick?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
