You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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