apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
