she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
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