I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
