her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
