i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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