so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
