Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
