Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
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