Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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