ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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