Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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