he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Randomize