My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
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