My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
