I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Randomize
