if i can run in heels then i can drive
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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