I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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