God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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