In the future we'll all be gay
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
