I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
