If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
