Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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