dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
420 ftw
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
