doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
