dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I need a beard to bite.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
