i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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