we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
