Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
