That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
