needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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