I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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