dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
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