you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
