My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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