the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
