the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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