omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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