nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
