I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
