I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
