dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
