I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
