YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
