so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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