Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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