He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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