After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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