i permit you to call me
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Randomize