I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
