I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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