they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
