sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
